In Between Life and Death

Very insightful.

As long as you keep walking. Even if you’re walking with a broken limb or scrapped knees or you’ve fallen down and that’s why you’re walking slower than the rest of the people around you, you’ll get to the end eventually… As long as you keep on walking. No matter how small a progress you’re making, you are still making progress. You are still one step ahead of yesterday - Don’t ever discredit yourself for that.

Cheers.

My brother and his wife had a photoshoot today and they brought us along to pretty the pictures up. Ok larrrr, fine… we’re just there to make the shots ugly. BUT WHO THE HELL CARES. This is us without the glamour:

ZHNGED UP VERSION

Have you noticed my regular blogging schedule these days?

It’s because when I can’t think of anything to do or when I don’t want to deal with school stuff and thus have nothing to do, I get bored and restless. So I decided that blogging will be my outlet for releasing frustration and stress.

There’s never ending to this studying. I sometimes ask myself whether it is any use at all to studying so much. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to reach my goals at this rate. I’m just going to do my best and if I can’t make it, I’ll have to get used to it. I’m so fed up and exhuasted. Bah. I don’t even know whether I am doing fine with my studies because there’s no clear feedback on my studies even at this point.

Questions like: How am I faring? How am I doing? What are some of the things I can improve on? What else am I missing? goes unanswered because of this.

I have 2 reports due within these 2 weeks, but somehow, it seems like everyone in my project group is always busy with something else that is more important than these projects and have no time to meet up. It is understandable, but it gets me into a restless and anxious mood because there is nothing else I can think of doing. =.=

I feel so.. err… dissatisfied with everything right now. I’m getting bitchy and easily annoyed with so many things. Zz. Guess I’ll sleep on it.

I dreamt of the great triple L from my poly days. I was working in this cubicle and it seemed like I really wanted to get the job finished. I remembered the look of INTENSE CONCENTRATION on my face. Just then the lecturer strolled past my cubicle door and said: “Wow, so late already and you’re still here?” I turned back and looked out the window. It was like dawn. I could see the sunrise. When I looked again, the lecturer was already gone.

Somehow, I turned to the clock and told myself that the clock is lying (like it’s 24 hrs slow -_-!) So I went back to work. It sounded like my heart wants me to slow down but my brain is telling me not to. And it’s weird that I’m dreaming of this lecturer. O_O

A funny scenario:

Huihui, Jeric, Daniel and I were having lunch. I was pointing out the Ang Mohs because Huihui love to look at them. So Daniel replied: “Oh! Ok, next time I can help you point them out. More eyes! What about you?”

Jeric chirped in: “Aiya this girl different, she has this so-called fetish with hands. She look at hands only.”<- because I keep telling him about my Mr. Fate who has handsome-looking hands.

Immediately, Daniel flashed his hand in front of me. “SEE! I SHOW HAND!” <- note the pun. A while later, when the two guys realised I could design things and wanted me to join their committee, Jeric chirped: “WHY (DON’T YOU WANT TO JOIN US)! WE CAN WORK… HAND IN HAND.”

WTH. Splendid…

*

Here’s Lameness at its best.

I was feeling really bloated and my stomach was a bit big. So I turned to one of my friends and rubbed my belly. “Hey, I’m 4 months pregnant already. Say hi to John *while rubbing belly*… because John said hi.”

He turned and looked at me, and in the MOST himbo tone of voice possible, he replied:

“Ooooh? Who is the father? Long John Silver?”
(With tone emphasis on John)

I almost died.

Ok, fine. I have now concluded that I am a workaholic. Although I do tend to procrastinate a little, but I should admit that I am a workaholic.

1. I don’t like to leave things hanging. If it’s something that can be done, I will do it.
2. I get mad at people for not doing their jobs or taking things seriously. But then again, this is the same for almost everyone… the difference is that I tend to take it upon myself to complete their tasks and duties for them. Sometimes it seems to me like I’d much rather prefer it to be this way.
3. I HATE feeling hungry because that means i need to think of what to eat.
4. I HATE eating when I have work to do because it is a complete waste of my time. If I had a choice, I’d rather skip a meal to complete a job faster.
5. Ok this is the scarier part: Sometimes, I wish I am a robot so that I can work more for longer hours and not be a victim to my circadian rhythms.
6. When I have nothing to do, I make plans of what I have to do. In fact, I’ve gotten used to having things to do that the minute I don’t have anything to do, I FEEL RESTLESS AND ANNOYED…. and then I’ll start making plans to keep myself busy.

*cries* WTH IS THIS. THIS IS NOT LIVING AT ALL. I SHOULD BE OUT PARTYING AND BUILDING A WIDE NETWORK.

You know, there was one period of time where I thought that perhaps some people are born good-pure, and some people are born to be bad-evil. Much later, I realised that we’re not necessarily born evil/good. We’re just born ugly. All of us.

The people who commit crimes and/or indulge themselves in risk-taking behaviours are ugly. Those that don’t are ugly in their own ways. Those who help, merely want to show to the world how nice they are, and hence are ugly. We’re all ugly in our own ways – most, if not all of us, want to prove to ourselves that we’re less ugly than others. But the fact that we would compare ourselves to see if we are less ugly than others actually reinforces the fact that we’re all ugly. It’s just that we’re ugly in different ways, so we like to think that we’re less ugly that other people. But that’s like… comparing apples and oranges.

Have I reached that time of my life where I have officially turned into a cynical bitch? Oh nos. I’m not even 40 yet.

Ever had a persistent thought that never goes away?

How do you tell yourself to let go?